Monday, 5 March 2012

SOCIAL NETWORKING SITES – Part 1.

Twitter

People that protect their tweets on Twitter.
YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL. Do you know how much STRESS it is to send a request so I can follow you just to see your tweets, which probably aint even all that great anyway. It’s SUCH an aggrevation especially when you wanna perhaps stalk someone *ahem* (don’t judge me, we all do it) and see what someone is up to and you don’t know the person like that so if you send the request, you’ll just look like one spicy beg. I can’t STRESS how much of an annoyance it is. I don’t protect my tweets and look at me, I’M STILL LIVING!

Trending Topics
I am so sick of seeing either Justin Bieber or One Direction constantly trending. Enough is enough. I think its time that they told their fans to calm the fuck down. I’m not even gonna try and insult these lot, because these fans actually go in – they’re on some ride or die shit; they’d casually kill/die for these people.

You know when something good is trending, for example, yesterday ‘Top100Female/MaleLies’ was trending and I was holding my phone, rubbing my hands getting ready to tweet some good stuff and fully go in until some people just destroyed it. I HATE when I see someone tweet something which at first is absolutely hilarious and then people get excited and just RINSE it out e.g. #Top100FemaleLies - I want a boyfriend with morals, ambitions and goals.. Shaniqua is now in a relationship with G-Man Suwoo Shooter’. I let out a chuckle when I first saw it, then after the next 6 times I saw it on my TL, I was just like this:
 IT’S NOT FUNNY ANYMORE, YOU’VE COMPLETELY SHAT ON THE JOKE

And it wasn’t like they just kept retweeted the SAME one, some cheeky people had the NERVE to steal this poor soul’s original joke and REMIX it, trying to make it seem as if it it’s theirs. NO, THAT IS THEFT AND DECEPTION.

People try too hard to be funny with TTs as well. It’s a bit embarrassing when someone thinks they’re completely hilarious and its just so forced. Especially when it’s obvious that you’re just desperate for a retweet and you’re not even a funny person. I feel sorry for you, everyone knows it’s forced and now you just look stupid.

Annoying Tweeters
Before I even start with this, why do people take their bio’s so seriously? You’d think they were filling in a job application form, most of it is bullshit ‘Photographer, model, singer’ – I don’t care, until YOU ARE BEING PAID, I’m not going to take your ‘profession’ seriously. Or people that write #TEAM*insertsomethingcompletelyobvioushere*, it’s like me saying #TeamIHaveEars. I’m sure no one gives a fuck.

Anyway, I am tired of people STEALING quotes from google or other people’s twitter and claiming to be wise. It’s like everyone turns into some preacher on Twitter, who the fuck are you though? You aint Gandhi fam.

When people tweet things for the attention of the opposite sex. I thought it was just girls that did this but I’ve seen a couple of guys do it too. An example of this is:
Girl: Lol my jeans won’t go passed my thighs ffs :( #MyThighsAreTooBig
or
Boy: I don’t see what’s so wrong with eating pussy
YOU. LOOK. HUNGRY. STOP IT. The way I just unfollow these people because it’s just like...


@_EBJA

Sunday, 4 March 2012

YOUR FRIENDS CAN'T PICK YOUR FUTURE FOR YOU

THIS DOES NOT APPLY TO ANYONE THAT IS IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP.

Okay so most girls have friends that are always there for them, advise them when needed and are generally good people to be around when upset and stuff. Friends are great and they should be there for that purpose, but your friends are not bloody prophets that know exactly what’s right for YOU. And if I’m honest, most of the time they are wrong. I’m talking specifically in terms of relationships. When a girl gets hurt, she usually turns to her friends for some guidance and some friends give good advice e.g. 'Do what makes you happy.' 'Have you tried looking at it from this angle?' 'Perhaps you need to just give it some time.' – You know, general shit like that. And then you get other friends coming with shit like ‘My girl, you need to fix up. Crying over man aint gonna do shit.’ ‘He’s a wasteman anyway’ ‘Just leave him, you can do better’. Believe me, no girl that has genuinely STRONG feelings for a guy is going to listen to that kind of bullshit.  

Although the friend probably means well, what they don’t realise is that they’re not really helping the matter. Most girls when advising their friend, forget to put themselves in that position and judge as the friend rather than empathising and being understanding of how much this guy means to her, how happy he makes her and how much they’re in love – if that. It’s easy for you to say ‘fuck him and move on’ but to actually do that is possibly one of the hardest things a girl can do. And to be honest, why should she have to? If your friend, who you love, is really happy in this relationship and can see a future with this guy – not to be rude but who the fuck are you to tell her to not go back to him. Don’t give me that shit about ‘if he loves you, he wouldn’t hurt you’, disney channel has deceived you. If you still think that then you’re living in a bubble or you haven’t been in a serious relationship. No relationship is perfect, and neither is a human being. EVERYONE will hurt you at one point, maybe not intentionally but they will and they do. It’s up to you to decide what your limit is. Your friend can’t decide for you simply because they don’t know what you’ve been through. They’re NOT in the relationship with you.

So girls, if you have that good guy (he may have some flaws but he’s good enough for you) and there comes a point where he may have hurt you, it’s up to YOU to decide whether you can work on it. Your friends are there to support you through it and be there even if they were right all along – that he was just a dickhead. You can’t live your life going by other people’s opinions and inputs because while they are probably getting on with their life, you’re gonna be stuck there – miserable and lonely. 
You make your own mistakes and learn from them, because at least then you don’t have anyone else to blame but yourself

@_EBJA

Tuesday, 31 January 2012

VALENTINES DAY

Sixth form has been suffocating me, so that's why I have been absent for a while. But yeah whatever, follow me on twitter, become a member and all that shit. 
HERE WE GOOOOO..

Okay so that time of year is coming up; all the couples will be all loved up looking cute and shit, parading the streets showing off the love they have for each other. And then there’s you – the single one. Being the single one can suck balls sometimes. Who wouldn’t like to be wined and dined and receive a gift for no fucking reason other than it being a commercialised day for couples to rub our faces in absolute shit while we let women like Beyonce, who is happily married and probably celebrating valentines day herself, gas us single bitches up *takes deep breath*. Before I begin, I am NOT being bitter towards anyone that’s in a happy relationship and chooses to go out for valentines day, this isn’t even about you booboo. This is for my single bitches.

That leads me on to my next point – if you are single and are not doing anything for valentines day do not try and make the day shit for everyone else by coming with your depressing tweets looking like some bitter and unloved bitch that secretly wants to go out. Stop saying that valentines day isn’t real or shouldn’t be celebrated BECAUSE YOU’RE SINGLE. I know damn well that if you were in a relationship, you’d want to do something so stop being foolish. Valentines day is real, google it if you don’t believe me! So to the ladies that have a man, if you are planning to go out somewhere with him and your single friend tries to hit with you shit like ‘its chicks before dicks, come out with me or tries to do anything to make you feel guilty, straight up tell the lonely bitch to purchase a few cats and leave you the fuck alone!

Ladies, there is nothing wrong with doing nothing on valentines day. It is just another day in the year that you will spend at home, you’ve done it before. If it bothers you that much, watch a dvd or go out with your friends that are available. Don’t sit there and feel sorry for yourself because you haven’t got a boyfriend, you’re making a bigger deal of the day than the people that are actually in a relationship. And please ladies, do not go the extra mile and find yourself a boyfriend JUST FOR VALENTINES DAY. That is the most pathetic thing you could do.

Valentines day is not meant to make you feel like shit (even though it can, ahem), you’re supposed to appreciate those that you love being around you. That could be anyone – not just a boyfriend. I know it can feel a bit shitty seeing couples all loved up and you’re there watching Love and Basketball again by yourself, in your room, alone. But being single isn’t a big deal, it seriously isn’t. See it as a way of getting to know yourself better and reserving/preparing yourself for that special person to eventually come. You can’t allow someone else to love you without loving yourself first.

@_EBJA

Saturday, 7 January 2012

RELATIONSHIPS

Before I begin, can I ask you niggers to actually FOLLOW. Don’t read my shit, agree, laugh and come off it ya bastards. Thanks ;)

I have so much to say about this topic because it’s pretty complicated. Relationships can potentially be a beautiful thing because it should reflect two people in love and all that hippy, gay shit. But sometimes, it can go wrong and some can piss people who aren’t even in the damn relationship the fuck off.

Let’s acknowledge the moment where you’re looking for that special candidate to fill that sacred spot in your life (unless you are one of them fools that change your partner every shitting week). Most people need to stop looking for very elaborate features in people they’re not going to find or don’t exist. Some immature girls believe the stupid fairytales they watch on Disney or look towards these ‘celebrities’ and expect to find that in a society where people are looting from the pound shop.  They do not exist. Chris Brown doesn’t live in Peckham and you won’t find Prince Charming in Brixton. I’m sorry, that is the honest truth. Ladies, I’m not saying you should lower your standards because everyone deserves to be happy, but just be realistic. Can I also point out you stupid little girls that look for boys with 'swag' (snapbacks, skinny jeans, tattoos etc), will 'swag' still be there for you when he gets your materialistic self pregnant and leaves you so he can buy his new pair of Jordans so he can attract another stupid little girl? Will it pay bills? NO. You girls need to jump off this image thing. Fair enough you don't want to be with a guy that's still wearing the Reebok classics but it shouldn't put you off because he doesn't wear a snapback. That's pathetic. I can assure you that you WILL end up alone with nothing but your fantasy and silly illusion of what a 'relationship' is supposedly like. No one’s perfect, not everyone you meet will tick ALL the boxes – but if they tick most, be happy.

Let me start on the fellas. Guys stop looking for qualities that your mother has – why don’t you fuck her then? Sorry to say but you might not find that girl that’s going to tend to your every need and treat you like a damn child. You are grown and it’s a relationship, which essentially requires TWO people, not a parenting class. And guys quit bitching about girls that wear make-up. If she wears make-up and looks sexy as hell, be happy. Just because she wears make-up doesn’t make her ugly. If you’re all about that natural look, don’t do anything to your hair and let’s see what your ‘natural’ hairline is REALLY saying. Alright, cool. However, ladies if you are unable to show him how you look without the make up, you need to address this issue and ideally, you shouldn’t be in a relationship if you are that insecure.

Okay, so you have found someone and are now in a relationship. Great. Why does the world need to know every single detail about this? Are you having sex with the world too? Are you in a relationship with the earth? Do we really need to know how much you love your boo? Let me answer this for you, no. This applies mostly to the ladies because they’re usually the most expressive and emotional. If people know too much about your relationship, people WILL laugh at you when it ends or when you find out he was cheating on you because you were too busy writing statuses/tweeting the world about him to notice he wasn’t liking, retweeting or replying to anything you were saying.

Another common problem in relationships is that some guys aren’t very understanding of females. Yes, girls are complicated but if you can’t handle us, be gay. So we have mood swings sometimes and it may not be due to Aunty Flo paying her monthly visit either. Instead of having a bitch fit, why don’t you try and talk to her to see what’s wrong. Sometimes, girls just want someone to listen to all their problems. Not even fix them, just listen. However, ladies don’t use this as a fucking excuse to be a bitch. I’m not a fan of domestic violence but don’t talk crud and be slapping the man for no reason and not expect one sweet Mike Tyson connection to your face. 

Ladies, you need to have the basic attributes of a good girlfriend. Yes, this includes cooking. If you can’t cook at the age of at least 16, you need to stop looking for a man and start looking at some Jamie or Levi because it is unacceptable, it has to be said. Okay you don’t need to be a chef, but if you can’t cook basic food then your life is in need of a re-evaluation. No matter how good your vagina is, cooking is a necessity. Not even just for your man, but you just need to learn how to fucking cook. Fucks wrong with chu.

Surprise your other half too. Whether that be sexually, romantically, that is completely up to you. But you do not want your relationship to become a routine or predictable, that’s how things get boring and eyes and penises begin to wonder. Don’t do the usual go out to eat, go back to his house and watch a dvd (which eventually leads to sex). Do something FUN like go skydiving together or something (YOLO) lol. Anything! 

Lastly, the key to make any relationship work is communication. All you really need to do is talk. Don’t just be their boyfriend or girlfriend, be their FRIEND too. Their best friend to be precise. You’ll find that your relationship will be so much more enjoyable if you just talk. About anything and everything. Don’t be afraid to tell them your insecurities or be too open with themthey’re YOUR other half for a reason. Get to know each other, know what makes them happy, sad and whatever else. Because you’ll find that if you don’t know your man/woman you haven’t really got a relationship – just two people linking (or hooking up, whatever you wanna call it). And when in a relationship, put in 100 per cent, both of you. Because if you’re both putting in 100, nothing can go wrong can it? Don’t be with someone that would prefer to go raving than be with you or that plays mind games constantly or makes you feel like shit because they’re not making much of an effort. And if someone's not making much of an effort to stay with you, then they clearly don't want to be with you.  

@_EBJA

Monday, 2 January 2012

BAITHEADS

For some that do not know what this is, it’s someone that is well known. Some like to think of themselves as celebrities but they’re not, they’re just known by a lot of people.

What annoys me about baitheads? Most complain about being bait as if they did not get themselves in that situation in the first place. Whether you did something outrageous to get yourself out there or you just continued to accept all those random adds you received off facebook, YOU did something. No one scouted you and signed you up to The Kingdom of Baithead, you did it your damn self. I know of a few baitheads myself and the majority fuck me off. Some pretend they don’t know they are bait and when they ‘suddenly’ come to the realisation, they often ask shit like this;

‘Why are bare people watching me like I know them?’
‘Why is everyone chatting my name?’
‘OMG am I bait?’

You know the fucking answer, you rhino. And you LOVE the attention you’re receiving too. This mainly applies to the bait girls because they’re usually the most annoying. Don’t act like you’re not aware of the 1000+ friends you have on facebook or the 700+ people you have following you on twitter. I don’t even get the point in pretending, you just look stupid. You can’t expect to have a private life when that many people know you.  Some bait girls normally do stupid shit like expose a conversation that they are having with someone that is pussy begging and humiliate them so the world can see how ‘amazing’ they are and how regularly they receive attention like this. You look like a little bitch.

I know a few baitheads that like to hang out with other baitheads to maintain their status within The Kingdom of Baithead, because you know, it’s not as if everyone doesn’t know you already, but then you hang around with more baitheads just to ensure that we normal people, with normal private lives, are aware that you are bait. Because we could not tell already.

I cannot stand the baitheads that believe they are celebrities. You don’t have fans bitch, most of the people that know you either want to fuck you or just want to be in your business. So do not printscreen/screen munch the obscene amount of friend requests you have received and then complain about them when everyone knows full well that you will accept every single one of them or most of them to enhance your status. Nothing annoys me more than the stupid fuckers that actually treat these people like they’re some A-Listers. You do know they live a BUS journey away? They aren’t anything spectacular with your dick begging/pussy begging self. They love the fact that you are liking/commenting on all their photos and trying to talk to them constantly which leads to them believing that they are better than they actually are. They are normal fucking people that go to school/college/uni/work whatever. They may say that they are a ‘model’ because a few aspiring photographers take pictures of them, or say that they are a ‘singer/rapper’ because they have uploaded a few videos of themselves on YouTube but they aren’t. They aren’t anything spectacular. They are normal people.

If I’m honest, I feel sorry for these people. My closest friend is a baithead and when we go out, she gets stopped about every minute by people that know of her. It must be frustrating to have that many people know you, and that many people be in your business. I can imagine that being in a relationship is also hard because I personally don’t want to be with someone that everyone knows and have everyone up in our relationship, or have him cheat because of the amount of dick begging slut monkeys he attracts. Trust must be an issue.

What is actually so good about being bait? Because I know some people actually want to be, which I don’t understand. Are you sad? Do you not have any friends? Why would you want that.When you’re bait, rumours often circulate about you as well. With girls its normally along the lines of being a slag and with boys it can vary. If you aspire to be bait, then your life must be pretty shit. If you are bait and some of the things I said applies to you, re-evaluate your life (no seriously, do it).

@_EBJA

Saturday, 31 December 2011

WHAT GIRLS REALLY WANT

This came to my attention a while ago on Twitter when a lot of girls were saying the ten things they find attractive in a guy. A few people were being sarcastic so they could get a retweet, but most girls said similar things. I then concluded that all girls want a man with two main features – ambition and someone that can put her in her place. This goes for EVERY girl, including the ‘bad bitches’ and the girls that claim they don’t need no man. When looking for a partner, they are ideally looking for someone that can tell her hollering self to shut the fuck up or just give her a stare and let her know the deal. Don’t get me wrong, girls don’t want to fear their man, they just want someone that can handle them. No girl wants a bitch nigga.

A bitch nigga doesn’t know what the fuck he is doing with his life and can’t control shit. Yeah, girls like to take control of things sometimes but when she hands you the damn torch, nigga don’t drop it. A bitch nigga doesn’t know how to treat his girl and will probably agree with everything she says – that will be cute for a good month but after that, she’s going to want someone that can lay down the fucking law. And booboo, you can’t do it. If a girl can’t respect you, you won’t go far with your bitch nigga self.
A few people will be reading this and be like ‘wtf is she talking about, girls want a guy that does everything for her.’ And if you are thinking this, you are a bitch nigga. If you’re a girl and you are thinking this, you’re probably too young. Girls love AUTHORITY.

Us girls also love a man with ambition. If you are a hoodrat or one of them boys that make Youtube videos trying to get far with your rap career, I can safely say that for most girls, it doesn’t look good on your CV for a relationship. Little girls say they want a ‘bad boy’ that sells illegal substances in the neighbourhood or is in a gang. That isn’t someone you bring home to your family. And I’m sorry, I am not waiting for your bitch arse while you're dropping the soap waiting for Peter to give you the dick in prison. I am 17 years old, why am I gonna be waiting for you while your in prison? Did I give you the gun? Did I shoot someone? No. I am not doing shit. You Youtube gangsters confuse me also. How is it that you can afford to talk about the MAC-10 you’ve got in your house and you haven’t got a single GCSE or A Level. Really nigga? Really.

Girls look for other features in males also. You must be respectful to women. If you are trying spit your stupid ‘bars’ like ‘I love you babes una’ when we’ve been speaking for two weeks, you clearly want some vagina and you clearly don’t respect me if you think I’m stupid enough to fall for that. Or when approaching us you have the utter audacity to part your lips and shout ‘oi’ as if we’re different species. Some guys even take it one step further and ‘sss’ at a girl. I’m sorry, I didn’t know I was a python. I just can’t believe that guys do this and expect to get a nice reaction. And then when you get the reaction you deserve, which should be a fuck off ladies (if you girls give your number to these boys then you deserve one swift yam connected to your head), you then insult us. Because I am sure you are going to get my number now right? Foolish lizard.

A guy that can be romantic once in a while is quite nice also. I say once in a while because if you are buying me flowers every damn week I won’t be very happy, I’m not a fucking florist. Romance isn’t nandos either. You ghetto people need to calm down about you’re getting happy because he got you a ¼ chicken with his nandos card. Bitch please. But if you’re romantic once in a while, it’ll be a nice surprise and will be appreciated more. There’s nothing wrong with taking your girl out to dinner (NOT NANDOS, NIGLETS) for a nice change instead of cuddling up in bed watching a dvd which has become a regular routine in your relationship.

These are the main features girls look for in a guy. We’re not asking for too much are we (there’s more I just didn’t want to make this too long). Guys need to stop saying that girls are only interested in money and hood niggers because I can bet on anything that those relationships do not last. If they do, she’s a hoodrat. Girls are not as materialistic and stupid as some guys think. 

@_EBJA

Friday, 30 December 2011

BLACK GIRLS

Anyone that knows me, will know exactly how I feel without me even going into detail. I’m not being racist against my own race but it has to be said – some black girls are very annoying.

A typical black girl of today has a middle parting, wears bright pink/red lipstick, sometimes has outrageous coloured weave, converses and chinos (there’s more, I just can’t think of any atm). I’m not even saying there’s anything wrong with having any of these. But ladies please, if you wear/have two or more of those mentioned above, do not claim originality. What annoys me even more is that black girls bitch about other black girls that look and probably act the exact same as them. It’s so bad that I could go to some bait place like West End and see about a million of these black girls with the same uniform. It’s just frustrating.

It has to be said also, black girls are usually the most bitchy. If you walk past a group of ‘typical’ black girls, you can guarantee that they’ll be judging you for something. I really don’t want to say these things about my own race, but it has to be said. Not saying that other races don’t do these things because I know they do, but these black girls seem to think that they’re God’s gift to the earth. They walk around with their Brazilian weave thinking they run things, bitch please I can find your identical twin in a matter seconds, believe me. 
Black girls need to stop hating on light skinned/mixed race girls too. I’m not gonna lie, SOME light skinned people/mixed race people annoy me but I at least KNOW them before I pass judgement. Some of these black girls will see a girl/boy of a lighter complexion and immediately hate them. You look like a hater. Especially when the only reason you can come up with as to why you dislike the person is because they think they’re ‘too nice’. You don’t know them booboo, shut up.

The outrageous coloured weave needs to stop. I’m sorry but if you are not of a light complexion, you can’t be blonde. Sorry. And red might not be for you babygirl. I’m sorry. So stop it. Yeah you see Beyonce, Rihanna, Christina Milian and all these other girls that are LIGHTER THAN YOU with weave these colours but babe, YOU ARE NOT THEM. YOU NEVER WILL BE. Stick to 1B, you can still look sexy honey. And these girls that are dying their hair these colours/getting weave these colours are probably doing it so they can not look like a typical black girl, when in fact you do. It just seems as if black girls are trying to outdo each other in an attempt to be ‘original’. Is someone gonna come with fucking rainbow coloured weave? Its just IRRITATING. Black girls are too focussed on what other black girls are doing, just DO YOU. 
Same goes for the lipstick. I wear lipstick myself but it has to be a certain shade to suit my skin tone. I am not trying to be offensive in any way but dark skinned girls should ideally stay away from the light pink lipstick. It just brings attention to the darker tone of your skin (I’m not being horrible, black is beautiful – in all shades). You need to learn what suits your colour rather than trying to go a shade lighter than the black girl in your college.

I don’t know whether its because of insecurity issues as to why some of these black girls feel the need to do some of these things because they’re not happy within themselves or something but it needs to stop. It just seems like they’re all in competition with each other when in reality, no one’s really being themselves. And no, I’m not trying to insult black girls in the slightest because I’m a black girl, but it's about time that someone highlights the issues some black girls have.

@_EBJA