Saturday, 7 January 2012

RELATIONSHIPS

Before I begin, can I ask you niggers to actually FOLLOW. Don’t read my shit, agree, laugh and come off it ya bastards. Thanks ;)

I have so much to say about this topic because it’s pretty complicated. Relationships can potentially be a beautiful thing because it should reflect two people in love and all that hippy, gay shit. But sometimes, it can go wrong and some can piss people who aren’t even in the damn relationship the fuck off.

Let’s acknowledge the moment where you’re looking for that special candidate to fill that sacred spot in your life (unless you are one of them fools that change your partner every shitting week). Most people need to stop looking for very elaborate features in people they’re not going to find or don’t exist. Some immature girls believe the stupid fairytales they watch on Disney or look towards these ‘celebrities’ and expect to find that in a society where people are looting from the pound shop.  They do not exist. Chris Brown doesn’t live in Peckham and you won’t find Prince Charming in Brixton. I’m sorry, that is the honest truth. Ladies, I’m not saying you should lower your standards because everyone deserves to be happy, but just be realistic. Can I also point out you stupid little girls that look for boys with 'swag' (snapbacks, skinny jeans, tattoos etc), will 'swag' still be there for you when he gets your materialistic self pregnant and leaves you so he can buy his new pair of Jordans so he can attract another stupid little girl? Will it pay bills? NO. You girls need to jump off this image thing. Fair enough you don't want to be with a guy that's still wearing the Reebok classics but it shouldn't put you off because he doesn't wear a snapback. That's pathetic. I can assure you that you WILL end up alone with nothing but your fantasy and silly illusion of what a 'relationship' is supposedly like. No one’s perfect, not everyone you meet will tick ALL the boxes – but if they tick most, be happy.

Let me start on the fellas. Guys stop looking for qualities that your mother has – why don’t you fuck her then? Sorry to say but you might not find that girl that’s going to tend to your every need and treat you like a damn child. You are grown and it’s a relationship, which essentially requires TWO people, not a parenting class. And guys quit bitching about girls that wear make-up. If she wears make-up and looks sexy as hell, be happy. Just because she wears make-up doesn’t make her ugly. If you’re all about that natural look, don’t do anything to your hair and let’s see what your ‘natural’ hairline is REALLY saying. Alright, cool. However, ladies if you are unable to show him how you look without the make up, you need to address this issue and ideally, you shouldn’t be in a relationship if you are that insecure.

Okay, so you have found someone and are now in a relationship. Great. Why does the world need to know every single detail about this? Are you having sex with the world too? Are you in a relationship with the earth? Do we really need to know how much you love your boo? Let me answer this for you, no. This applies mostly to the ladies because they’re usually the most expressive and emotional. If people know too much about your relationship, people WILL laugh at you when it ends or when you find out he was cheating on you because you were too busy writing statuses/tweeting the world about him to notice he wasn’t liking, retweeting or replying to anything you were saying.

Another common problem in relationships is that some guys aren’t very understanding of females. Yes, girls are complicated but if you can’t handle us, be gay. So we have mood swings sometimes and it may not be due to Aunty Flo paying her monthly visit either. Instead of having a bitch fit, why don’t you try and talk to her to see what’s wrong. Sometimes, girls just want someone to listen to all their problems. Not even fix them, just listen. However, ladies don’t use this as a fucking excuse to be a bitch. I’m not a fan of domestic violence but don’t talk crud and be slapping the man for no reason and not expect one sweet Mike Tyson connection to your face. 

Ladies, you need to have the basic attributes of a good girlfriend. Yes, this includes cooking. If you can’t cook at the age of at least 16, you need to stop looking for a man and start looking at some Jamie or Levi because it is unacceptable, it has to be said. Okay you don’t need to be a chef, but if you can’t cook basic food then your life is in need of a re-evaluation. No matter how good your vagina is, cooking is a necessity. Not even just for your man, but you just need to learn how to fucking cook. Fucks wrong with chu.

Surprise your other half too. Whether that be sexually, romantically, that is completely up to you. But you do not want your relationship to become a routine or predictable, that’s how things get boring and eyes and penises begin to wonder. Don’t do the usual go out to eat, go back to his house and watch a dvd (which eventually leads to sex). Do something FUN like go skydiving together or something (YOLO) lol. Anything! 

Lastly, the key to make any relationship work is communication. All you really need to do is talk. Don’t just be their boyfriend or girlfriend, be their FRIEND too. Their best friend to be precise. You’ll find that your relationship will be so much more enjoyable if you just talk. About anything and everything. Don’t be afraid to tell them your insecurities or be too open with themthey’re YOUR other half for a reason. Get to know each other, know what makes them happy, sad and whatever else. Because you’ll find that if you don’t know your man/woman you haven’t really got a relationship – just two people linking (or hooking up, whatever you wanna call it). And when in a relationship, put in 100 per cent, both of you. Because if you’re both putting in 100, nothing can go wrong can it? Don’t be with someone that would prefer to go raving than be with you or that plays mind games constantly or makes you feel like shit because they’re not making much of an effort. And if someone's not making much of an effort to stay with you, then they clearly don't want to be with you.  

@_EBJA

1 comment:

  1. "Are you in a relationship with the earth? Do we really need to know how much you love your boo?"

    That line killed me. XD

    You pretty much summarized everything people need to know about relationships. Harshly. THANK YOU. Some people just need to be harshly told what they need to hear.

    I read all your posts. They're so ~quality~. :>

    ReplyDelete